Your Journey

There are certain rules when you go use the restroom, whether it's at work, a restaurant, the gym, etc. These rules are called Shit Etiquette 101. An example of one of these rules is, when you're done dropping a deuce, can you not come out of the stall as the same time as me? Do you know how awkward it is to look at you in the eye knowing we just battle shitted each other? Come on bro, get it together.

Ah yes, two years and after hundreds of posts that I wrote, I finally decided to publish one that I really liked and felt passionate about. I started publishing posts here nearly 8 years ago. It's nice to look back at my writing from the beginning only to confirm that I am still as immature as ever and still find great humor in writing about shit. 

For the past 24-36 hours, I kept thinking about the people I have surrounded myself with. My friends, my coworkers, my network and my family. I can't help but think to myself HOLY SHIT, I am one lucky person. 

I was compelled to write about this after going to a music event the other night at Brooklyn Steel. As I walked into the venue on Friday night, this girl to my left approached me and asks "Hey are you registered to vote?" I look over and I see this table where she and a few other young people were trying to get people to register to vote. Many of you who know me, know I am adamant on getting our generation politically involved, as well as getting involved within our communities. Here, in the heart of Hipster Brooklyn (I DESPISE YOU, YOU HIPSTERS!! JK...NOT REALLY DOE) was this girl on Friday night working her butt off trying to get young people to register to vote, to make a difference in their communities. I just did not expect to see that going to this show and it just made my night. I am already registered to vote but I wanted to talk to her so I pretended I wasn't. She described her job for this non-profit and what they were trying to accomplish. I thanked her for what she was doing because it is inspired me to want to do more. 

I woke up Saturday morning and while driving to my parents house, I kept thinking how awesome it was to see the voting registration booth the night before. I was thinking about how awesome that girl was and then, I was thinking about my friends and thought, wow......my friends are doing incredible things as well. But what kept me in awe was not the final product that we focus on. Example, "I'm a doctor", "I'm an engineer", "I'm a designer", no....what kept me in awe was the journey my friends have taken to get to where they are. 

I can write about the journey of all my friends but these are just some that I chose to talk about. My best friend is a doctor. I had to repeat that in my head as I was driving. My best friend....a real person lol, is a doctor. You watch TV and you see doctors doing all types of crazy shit, saving lives, delivering babies, implanting jelly in boobs, it's crazy. My best bud is now going to save lives and has saved lives. But his journey to get there, is what is incredible. His work ethic, sleepless nights, sacrificing partying to study, filling out endless applications, hoping and praying it all works out. 

I have another good friend who is getting his masters at an Ivy League School. But to get there, he moved 1,200 miles for his first job to get experience. It's not easy packing up all your shit, moving half away across the country not knowing anyone. But he did that. I have another good friend who does real well for himself. But when he graduated college he worked for free or pretty much minimum wage for a long period of time to get experience. That sacrifice has paid off in dividends. Do you how much pride you have to swallow to work for free or minimum wage while you watch a lot of your friends work and make money? To know you have a 4 year degree but you have to do all this grunt work? But its paid off for him and he's doing real well for himself. For more than a year, I had another friend who went through more personal pain and tragedy than I could ever imagine. But the way she stayed strong and continued to live her life is something I will always be inspired by. Despite the heartache and pain, she persevered, took care of things that needed to be taken care of and still continued her career. 

If you're reading this, take a second to look at your journey and pat yourself on the fucking back. Everyone has their own unique story and journey and only you will ever know every heartache, triumph and shit you took to get to where you are. Be proud of that. But at the same time, use it to fuel yourself to be better at what you do. Use it to make a difference. And never stay comfortable. Continue to get out of your comfort zone and continue to learn. I will always cherish my first job out of school. I was in a rotation program that took me to different parts of the country. And what they always preached was "Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone".

Long post as they generally are but I hope you enjoyed it. Look at your journey and the journey of those around you. Cherish them and continue to carve your own path. Live, love, laugh and don't buy the store branded toilet paper unless you like wiping your ass with sandpaper. PEACE!

Sacrifice

Throughout history, the human species has sacrificed. And just like humans themselves, their sacrifices have evolved. Back in the day, the Aztecs used to sacrifice humans to keep the sun from dying. You see, they would sacrifice people because they thought the Sun God, Huitzilopochtli, needed the human sacrifices for nourishment and appeasement. Fast forward several centuries later and here I am sacrificing 10 minutes of viewing Game 4 of the Hawks vs Cavs to take a shit.

Oh, the sacrifices we make everyday. We sacrifice sleep to watch more TV, sacrifice our health so we can grab a quick bite at our local fast food joint and sacrifice our assholes to save a buck and purchase the Rite Aid brand of toilet paper. We all know that Charmin is the shit (pun intended) but to save 2 dollars, we buy the cheap store brand and then you start complaining because your asshole starts chafing. Well, that's your fault for purchasing cheap toilet paper. My asshole gets the best, Charmin (Or Quilted Northern Plush because that's on sale sometimes).

But are these true sacrifices? Like many words we use daily, we throw the word sacrifice around but never really stop to think of the meaning of the word. Look up the definition of the word sacrifice. The first definition that pulls up is "the act of slaughtering a person or animal as an offering to God or to a divine supernatural figure."...........No, wait no....that's not the definition I want to talk about.

"An act of giving up something valued for the sake of something else regarded as more important or worthy."  Ah yes! That's the definition I'm looking for. 

Today is Mother's Day. A day we appreciate our mothers, grandmothers or any guardian in your life that acted as that motherly figure for you growing up. We celebrate all the hard work they put in to raise us, we celebrate their compassion for us, we celebrate their selflessness for us and we celebrate them for all the sacrifices they've made for us throughout their lives. 

I was driving up from a wedding today and thinking about my mom and then it hit me, I will never be as strong or as brave as my mother has been her whole life and continues to be. My mom came from a third-world country in her early 20's not knowing a single word in English other than, "Hello", "Thank You" and "No, I don't have any spare change to buy candy for your youth basketball team". She got a job working at Dunkin Donuts, making the minimum wage which was $3.35 an hour. For close to a decade my mom woke up at 5am, went to her job at Dunkin Donuts, took care of my sister and I and learned English. Ten years later, she went into Dime Savings Bank (now Chase Bank) and asked for an opportunity. They gave it to her.  My mom worked at Dime/Chase bank for the last 16 years, working her way up in leadership positions. My mom could've stayed where she came from and lived a carefree life with house servants and her family but she along with my dad, came to this country, sacrificed EVERYTHING they had because they knew their kids in the future would have a better life in the United States. 

My mom, along with my dad are my God damn heroes. They SACRIFICED everything so that my sister and I wouldn't have to sacrifice anything. I could never make the sacrifices my mom made because she set up my life in a way so that I wouldn't have to make such decisions and sacrifices. My mom wanted to be a dancer growing up, but she came here and worked at Dunkin Donuts. But on the other hand, I can be anything I want to be. Now that's a damn sacrifice. 

My mom's story is not unique. It's the story of many of your mothers and guardians. It's the story of many Americans and people around the world. Everyday should be Happy Mother's Day. If you haven't already, take the time to wish your Mother or Grandmother or whoever, a Happy Mother's Day and if you can, give them a hug and a big ass thank you because they deserve it. Also, ask them about their lives. We look at our parents and think they're these robots who are just here to raise us. But like you and I, they've had/have wants, dreams and probably some crazy blackout stories.

Happy Mothers Day to my mom and every single mother or motherly figure out there. Ya'll are the true heroes and true MVP's. Your sacrifices have not gone unnoticed. From me and everyone you've raised and loved unconditionally, we say thank you. 

Hold My Hand Yo

I was watching Game of Thrones the other day and some dude got his hands chopped off. And there I was, sitting on my couch contemplating how this dude was going to wipe his ass.

That is one shitty problem to have. You're done with letting everything out of your system and then when it's time to wipe, you kind of just look around the room and just get up and leave. Now you have two issues. One, you smell like absolute shit...literally and two, your asshole is going to itch and you can't itch it because you have no hands. Now That's What I Call a Dilemma, volume 36.

Yeah, your hands are pretty important. You eat, drive, masterbate, write, wipe your ass, masterbate some more, pick things up, drink and touch with your hands. You also hold hands with the one you love, wipe away tears from those who you care about and high five your best friend with your hands. But when was the last time you lent a hand?

While I was packing up my apartment today, I decided to take a break. I began reading about two issues that really struck a chord with me. First, I read an article on Huffington Post (OMG I'M SUCH A LIBERAL) about the Rohingya People. The Rohingya are a group of people who don't have anywhere to call home. Burma deports them, Bangladesh, the country where my parents were born, rejects them, and every other nation they've tried to enter, sends them away. Therefore, there are TENS of thousands of them living on boats scattered throughout the Indian Ocean with limited to no supplies. They're starving to death and their babies are dying.

The second issue is with the ever growing crisis in Nepal. Thousands have died and been displaced. Families have been torn apart, villages have been decimated and infrastructure needed for basic sanitary and living conditions have been destroyed. They need all the help they can get.

The money I spend on going out can potentially feed several people and provide the supplies needed to help both of these causes. Below, are links to the stories that I read and both contain images that really make you feel blessed and lucky to live the life you have. I've also posted links to several charities if you would like to donate to both or either cause.

I wrote this post to not only bring to light the two issues I talk about but about anything YOU care about. If you could donate a dollar to a cause you care about it might make a difference. It might seem small and miniscule but every cent counts. Donating money to a charity doesn't make you a good person or a bad person but it can make a difference.

Let's help each other out. We're all people. We all laugh, we all cry and we all love.

Rohingya People - Click here to see and read about their story

Rohingya Charity - Click here to donate for the Rohingya

Nepal- Click here to see photos from Nepal

Nepal Charity - Click here to donate to Nepal

Maybe I Learned Something Else

I've lived in two different places since I last published a post two years ago and I've learned one thing. There is no better feeling than droppin' a deuce after the cleaning lady leaves the bathroom.

OH YEAH BABY, I'M BACK!

I live in the real world now and sometimes it sucks. I got bills. The bills never stop. My metabolism slowed down. I sometimes get fat. I hate taxes. So sometimes, I root for Republicans.  I get excited that every Monday is Chick-Fil-A lunch day at work. My life isn't exciting all the time.

But not everything sucks. I can afford good toilet paper, Charmin. I can eat cookies for dinner, no one is going to yell at me. Oh and I get a 401K match, so hopefully I don't die before I turn 59.

The real world isn't as scary as it may have seemed two years ago. The world still turns and I still shit.

A lot.

I moved to Upstate New York a few days after I graduated college for my job. I knew exactly 0 people. Majority of people I encountered before moving were from in or around the NYC Metropolitan Area. I lived in a city environment my whole life. So moving to Upstate New York was a huge difference. What do you mean there's no deli on the corner of the block? What do you mean your definition of a fun Friday is attending the local high school football game, you know...the same school that has 150 kids. Where is the DIVERSITY?!?!

Fast forward a year, I move to the Washington D.C Area. I have family in the area but once again, no real friends to start out with. What do you mean your metro costs depends on how far you go? What the hell is a metro, it's a subway. Why is last call at 2 AM? I'm usually getting to the place at 2AM. WHY IS THERE TRAFFIC EVERYWHERE?

Yeah, I've come to the conclusion there's no better place to live than NYC. But I lied to you all in the beginning of this post. I learned something else other than droppin' a deuce after the cleaning lady leaves the bathroom. I learned that people are awesome. I actually always thought that but moving around and meeting new people proved to me that my belief was true. Living in rural Upstate NY was one of the best things I ever did. I met some of the nicest, most genuine people you could ever think of. I know for a fact I made friends that will last me a lifetime. The same goes for the D.C area. Once again, I met some genuine people who truly prove me to that no matter where you go, people are just amazing. Everyone brings a unique background that helps you grow as a person.

I was motivated to write this entry after spending the past weekend in NYC with 4 people that were complete strangers to me a year or two ago. One is from God knows where in Colorado, another from Arrogant, Massachusetts and the other two are from the exciting suburbs of Northern VA. Their upbringings, their life stories all different from mine but yet there we were having a blast.

I read my previous post from two years ago, "Reminisce", and can remember how nervous I was about moving and how sad I was to be leaving. But in those two years, I've grown more than in any other time period of my life and grew appreciative of the ones I love and people in general. I don't have any life altering advice in this post but just wanted to write and let you know that despite what you think, people ARE AWESOME. I'm thankful for all the people I've met, the new friendships I've made the last two years and the ability to buy Charmin.

And as Lebron James said in an essay about a year ago, "I'm Coming Home".

Whas Guc.

Reminisce

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Want to know what's worth more than that? A billion dollars... OR taking a massive shit on a toilet made up entirely of gold where the flusher thing is encrusted with 24 carrot diamonds.

Ballin.

I've been in thousands of photos in my lifetime. From the time my dad took a picture of me letting out a battle cry as I prevailed victorious over my mothers vagina on the day I was born......to this past weekend of me "raging" as grown men pressed the play button on iTUNES at EDC NY.

Yes, moments of my life have been captured through images since the day I was born. These images help me remember the moments I may have forgotten. These images help me re-live the events that are now just a distant memory. These images remind me of the good and bad times but nonetheless, they help me remember.

I'm graduating college in a couple of days and I want to remember every single second of it. To do this, I went back and looked at every picture that was posted on Facebook, Instagram, Flickr or even those losers who still use photobucket.

I thought I grasped everything and then I took a shit.


After being constipated, I met up with some friends and we just talked. The conversation led us to reminisce about college. The more we talked, the more I remembered, the more I laughed and the more I realized, I know whats worth more than a picture. And that's being around your ratchet ass friends.


This blog entry of mine has no structure. It really has no centralized idea of what it wants to talk about. I wanted to talk about pictures and how they evoke memories and happy feelings but then I wanted to talk about college. And then I wanted to talk about my friends and a whole bunch of other shit and it then it dawned on me...WHO THE FUCK GIVES A SHIT, I passed Writing 102, I can talk about whatever I want!!

This entry is a mish mosh and it EXACTLY encompasses what college was like, a mish mosh of EVERYTHING. You had your triumphs, you had your defeats. You had your joys, you had your heartbreaks. You had your laughs, you had your cries. You had your friends and....you had your friends.

It is the people that made college what it is for me. To everyone graduating, look through all the pictures and remember all the good times but don't ever forget all the moments a picture couldn't capture. All the times you needed a shoulder to cry on, remember that friend. All the times you needed help in organic chem or another subject that you will never again use in your life, remember that friend. All the times you did a secret handshake with someone, remember that friend. All the times you saw that one person at a party and made a high pitched voice like OMGERRRRD, remember that friend.

All the times you had a one night stand with a fat and ugly human, forget that person.

A picture can capture so much. But nothing can capture time like being with your friends. Many of us will graduate and go off on our own road. But if that road ever leads you back to spending some time with a friend that you've shared so much with, make sure you take the opportunity and cherish it. A picture is worth a thousand words but spending time with those people in those pictures is priceless.

My unstructured and "all over the place" entry is coming to an end but before it does, I just wanted to emphasize: cherish the people you've met over these past 4 years. To those of you who haven't graduated yet, I can't emphasize enough, cherish these moments. Stop masterbating in your room and go out to that party and meet as many people as you can. Don't ever lose sight of why you're here, getting an education, but the social interactions you make, will either break or make your college experience.

To all those that I've met in college, thank you for the most unforgettable four years of my life. I will take with me all the memories we've had and hope to build on them in the future. I can't express how thankful I am and I hope that one day I can repay all of you back in someway. There are so many of you who have done little things for me that probably either forgot or think I'm not talking about you but I am. I am thanking ALL of you.

This blog entry might have been all over the place and chaotic but it's a not a goodbye, it's a see you later.

Can I Get The Time or More Of It?

So, Time cannot be created nor destroyed. Time is all around us, Time controls us, Time is what we all wish we had more of. When we are born, we have a certain amount of Time to live. When we die, we have run out of Time. Therefore, Time dictates when we are born and when we die.....is Time God?

That's some crazy shit yo.

Time, a concept we all know of. We use the term Time everyday with ourselves or with our buddies.

"Yo, what Time did you take a shit?"

"Yo, what Time did I take a shit?"
"Yo, I can't even remember what Time I took a shit."
"Yo, I got amnesia bitch."

Time is a funny character. She speeds up when things are fun, such as when you pre-mature ejaculate and she slows down when things are rough (the feeling you get after you pre-mature ejaculate.)Don't lie, it's happened to you too.

But really, she is one tricky son of a bitch. A second can feel like an eternity when hearing bad news ;hours of fun can feel like miniscule minutes. Time steals your loved ones, yet, never gets blamed. Time makes sure that you will feel pain, Time makes sure you will struggle, Time makes sure you will face challenges but Time makes sure you will succeed and that is what makes her beautiful.

Ya damn right Time is like a girlfriend, bitchy but beautiful. She will rip your heart out and two minutes later make you feel like a million bucks. You ever hear bad news and feel your heart sink only to realize it was a false alarm.

"It's blue."

*2 minutes later*

"Oops, I forgot I'm colorblind, it's pink, hehe"
Those of you who have had this conversation in some form, understand what this means. 

We all wish for more Time. There never seems to be enough of it in the day. You wake up, you blink, you shit, it's Time for bed. We wish and we wish for something that's infinite. Time is free, accessible and all around us but we find ourselves begging for more of it.

Doesn't make sense, does it?

Enjoy the Time that you have and don't take a single second for advantage. There will come a Time where we all wished we could have those seconds that we wasted away. Spend these precious seconds laughing, giggling, sexing and letting your loved ones know you love them. I don't hate the bitchy side of Time nor do I think Time is actually God. I just think Time is the most consistent constant we will always have in our lives. People come and go, seasons change, and life throws a huge load of shit on you but Time is always there in one form or another.

Tell your loved ones you love them and spend as much Time as you can with them. Time is the true currency of this world. Rest In Peace to my Uncle. Unfortunately, your Time ran out today. But we'll catch up one day in the Place where time isn't a currency but a resource we'll have for the rest of eternity.

Be The Change You Want To See In The World

Yo Santa Claus can go eat a dick.

It's all good when you get that super deluxe railroad set. You know, the one where it climbs over mountains and shit. You thank Santa for the most awesomest gift but how about when you get a measly KIT KAT BAR??! 

I was 9 years old and I was a real good kid. I did my homework, I said the Pledge of Allegiance, I even tucked in my shirt. December 25th rolls around and I think I'm going to get this super cool train set that I wanted. Nope, turns out I got a bag full of Kit Kat. Forreal? KIT KAT? I DID ALL THAT FOR KIT KAT? I never forgave Santa for that. I once heard the term "go eat a dick". Santa came to mind when I heard that term.

I love this time of year. People's homes are decorated with colorful lights that cause sporadic seizures. Reindeer come into existence. And most of all, people just seem to be in happier moods. It's a nice time except I have to share my presence on this Earth with Santa Claus, I hate that guy. 

How dare that man come to my home through my chimney. That's rude. Oh what, cause he's fat he's allowed to come down my chimney because it's impressive that he can? Oh because he's wearing red, its okay? If a fat member of the Bloods gang came down my chimney, I'm not giving him cookies.

In all seriousness, Santa Claus is a terrible role model. He promotes obesity. He's fat (promotes child obesity), drinks Coke (promotes diabetes), breaks into homes, judges you, is the worlds most notorious slave owner (elves) and calls all women hoe's. 

Starting right now, I suggest that all of you reading this become Santa. It's okay if you're fat, you can be Santa too. Go out this Christmas and do what Santa is usually known for, bringing happiness to those around us. Fortunately for me, at least I received a Kit Kat Bar 11 years ago. There are millions of people in this country and billions around the world who will wake up December 25th not wanting a present but something to eat, something to drink and somewhere to sleep. 

This Christmas, try to make a Christmas for someone else. If anyone wants to join me, every year I go to the Angels Guardian Home in Brooklyn, NY and give toys to the kids of the orphanage. They can be new or old but trust me, they are appreciated by the children. If not, find a local church and donate canned food to the parish, they will be glad to accept your donation. If you have old clothes, find your closest Salvation Army. They'll accept your donation and disperse the clothes for the upcoming winter. There are bins throughout the city and country where you could drop off the clothes. 

Christmas and the holidays around this time in general brings out the best in people. Doing very little like donating one can of food or one old sweater can mean so much to someone else. Show someone else that Santa really does exist, be that person's Santa. 

Santa Claus is the biggest dick I know. But he still provides millions with happiness and hoho's. Never mind, he's just a glorified pimp. 

From the very bottom of my heart, I wish all of you out there a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukkah, a Happy Kwanzaa and New Years.