Be The Change You Want To See In The World

Yo Santa Claus can go eat a dick.

It's all good when you get that super deluxe railroad set. You know, the one where it climbs over mountains and shit. You thank Santa for the most awesomest gift but how about when you get a measly KIT KAT BAR??! 

I was 9 years old and I was a real good kid. I did my homework, I said the Pledge of Allegiance, I even tucked in my shirt. December 25th rolls around and I think I'm going to get this super cool train set that I wanted. Nope, turns out I got a bag full of Kit Kat. Forreal? KIT KAT? I DID ALL THAT FOR KIT KAT? I never forgave Santa for that. I once heard the term "go eat a dick". Santa came to mind when I heard that term.

I love this time of year. People's homes are decorated with colorful lights that cause sporadic seizures. Reindeer come into existence. And most of all, people just seem to be in happier moods. It's a nice time except I have to share my presence on this Earth with Santa Claus, I hate that guy. 

How dare that man come to my home through my chimney. That's rude. Oh what, cause he's fat he's allowed to come down my chimney because it's impressive that he can? Oh because he's wearing red, its okay? If a fat member of the Bloods gang came down my chimney, I'm not giving him cookies.

In all seriousness, Santa Claus is a terrible role model. He promotes obesity. He's fat (promotes child obesity), drinks Coke (promotes diabetes), breaks into homes, judges you, is the worlds most notorious slave owner (elves) and calls all women hoe's. 

Starting right now, I suggest that all of you reading this become Santa. It's okay if you're fat, you can be Santa too. Go out this Christmas and do what Santa is usually known for, bringing happiness to those around us. Fortunately for me, at least I received a Kit Kat Bar 11 years ago. There are millions of people in this country and billions around the world who will wake up December 25th not wanting a present but something to eat, something to drink and somewhere to sleep. 

This Christmas, try to make a Christmas for someone else. If anyone wants to join me, every year I go to the Angels Guardian Home in Brooklyn, NY and give toys to the kids of the orphanage. They can be new or old but trust me, they are appreciated by the children. If not, find a local church and donate canned food to the parish, they will be glad to accept your donation. If you have old clothes, find your closest Salvation Army. They'll accept your donation and disperse the clothes for the upcoming winter. There are bins throughout the city and country where you could drop off the clothes. 

Christmas and the holidays around this time in general brings out the best in people. Doing very little like donating one can of food or one old sweater can mean so much to someone else. Show someone else that Santa really does exist, be that person's Santa. 

Santa Claus is the biggest dick I know. But he still provides millions with happiness and hoho's. Never mind, he's just a glorified pimp. 

From the very bottom of my heart, I wish all of you out there a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukkah, a Happy Kwanzaa and New Years. 

You Make Me Want To Drop a Deuce

My heart starts to race. My palms sweat. My stomach turns into knots. My legs feel weak. I stutter. The room turns silent.

I realize I have to shit.

The way I feel when I have to shit is how I feel when I see the girl I like face to face. No, not the girl I think is hot that I would bang with the force of Thor. No, this IS the one. The girl that I see myself holding hands with, feeding strawberries to at Roth Pond during the Roth Regatta. (For those of you who don't attend Stony Brook, it's the girl I see myself feeding strawberries to at the Super Bowl at halftime at midfield, yea...... that's how much Stony Brook sucks when Roth Regatta is your equivalent of the Super Bowl on campus.) This is the girl that I've seen in my dreams. The one who loves me for my shitting ways. Yeah.....this is the girl that's going to be allowed out of the kitchen.

Problem is, I never know what to say to that girl. I know what to say in texts. My text swag is on point. Facebook messaging? That swag was so on point, Mark Zuckerberg's account was bagged. AIM? Not even close, the new function of aim is to aim to get out my bag yo.

Yeah...anyway, I suck. I always screw up when I see the girl I like. Is it because I try too hard? Do I think too much? In my head all I can think of is "What the hell do I say? This was so much easier when I was texting."

Shit. I'm a pussy.

It's hard to be yourself when you're around the one you're interested in. You do everything you can to impress them. And by trying too hard, you make yourself look like a fool. Be calm, cool, relaxed and do what you do best and that's being yourself. The same swag you put in your texts should be the same swag you use to impress them with when you're face to face.

I'm not writing this to give advice to others thinking I'm the love guru. I couldn't bag a Long Champ if I tried. This is more like an entry to see how many people can relate to me and how I feel. I can't help but feel nervous around girls that get me all giddy. I feel like I have all the confidence in the world until I see her waving at me. That's when I get nervous and pretend to be cool. I might grab my balls and walk with a limp (Limp=Swag) or I might say something cute. "Hey baby girl, you look like the marinara sauce I wanna stick my bread stick into." Swag.

Those of you out there, who are with that someone that you feed strawberries to, congratulations. It's not everyday you can find someone to go to Roth Regatta with. Fellas, as much as girls get on our nerves, as much as we hate them, and as annoying as they can get, treat them like princesses. If you're with a girl that makes you feel happy and legit, is annoying only 95% of the time, do everything you can to make it work. Ladies, please understand, expectations in a relationship are so much higher for a guy than it is for you. Cut us some slack. And as politely as I can say, STFU sometimes, it really helps the relationship progress. Compromise and trust each other. Without these two things, no relationship will ever work.

For those of us who are single, just getting out of a relationship or thinking of letting our ballsacks drop by going up to a girl (ladies for the love of God, please do the same if you're interested in a guy but don't let your ballsack drop, that's awkward), understand that everything happens for a reason. Cliche indeed, but the truth is cliche most of the time. When you feel down, just remember there is someone out there for everybody. If this man (click here) can bag her, then yes, there is someone out there for everyone. If you and your partner broke up, more than likely, life has something better in store for you. You never know if today, tomorrow, next week, or next year is the time you bump into someone who makes you want to drop a deuce.

I Hate It When I See 5 C's In A Row On My Scantron.

My name is Chowdhry and I am a chronic procrastinator.

More than likely, you should be studying rather than reading my blog. But because studying is the last thing you want to do, you find anything else to do and that has led to the blog of the kid who should be studying himself. 

I will do the most random activities just so that I could avoid studying. I'll start writing blog entries, watch Feed The Children videos, and even attempt to write with my left hand. More than likely, you can put a pile of shit in the middle of my living room and I wouldn't clean it unless I had to study. It's ridiculous to the extent I go to avoid opening my book to the first page. When I finally realize I have screwed myself over it is then that I actually sit down and..... take a nap.

But I am not a lazy shit all the time. Oh no. There are times where I actually do study 3 hours before an exam. But you know what, I'm better off not reading at all, YOU KNOW WHY? Because when you don't read, you don't know shit. But when you read just enough, you have enough knowledge to what people in the scientific community call "fucking yourself over." Oh yes, the "fucking yourself over" knowledge is when you read material but don't know exactly what everything means. Therefore, when the test comes and you read the answers for multiple choice questions you think everything is correct because you saw that damn word in the material you read. I hate when this happens. Everything in my body from my toes to my brain to my ballsack cringe because everything looks correct! 

You see, if I hadn't read anything, everything would look wrong. So with my sixth sense that I was born with (my penis) I would choose something that looked kind of correct. For example. "When was Pearl Harbor attacked?" A-December 7, 1941 B-June 6, 1944 C- January 20, 1991 D-July 4, 1776. 

Now if I barely read my history textbook all these dates would look similar. "Like omg I read something about 1944..wait omg like I totally read something about 1941 too and like 1991 too, like does 1776 even exist?" HOWEVER, if I didn't read anything at all, all this would look like Cha Su Bow. But with deductive reasoning and no prior knowledge I would have an easier time coming up with the answer. "Well 1776 doesn't exist, choice C is my birthday, eenie meanie miney moe chose A, so it has to be A" 

I hate those professors that put the same letter choice as an answer 4, 5 times in a row. You know what I mean. You look down at your scantron and realize you have 5 C's in a row, therefore making you think you're wrong. Why can't you just spread the answers out evenly so that the pattern that I think I see is correct! Since the days I took CIMS tests in elementary school, I feel like there are patterns on scantrons. I spend more time looking for the pattern than reading the questions and finding the answer. 

The other night as I procrastinated, I read a biography of Muhammad Ali. I already knew he was the greatest boxer, and quite possibly, athlete to ever live. But I never really understood how hard he worked in every aspect of LIFE to become successful. This guy would wake up every morning at 5 AM and wouldn't stop training until 10 P.M at night. He did things like sit on a chair for hours on end just so he could become disciplined and patient in the ring. It was these little things that made him great. 

Sometimes, I sit there and wonder why do I have to study for classes I don't care about. I don't need calculus or physics in my life. But the more you think about it, the more you realize the amount of work you put in for something you don't like shows you who you really are. Pretty sure most of you don't like giving oral but if you truly care for someone, you'll do a good job. You should strive to be the best and do your best in everything that you do even if you don't like it. Everything we do matters. We might hate calculus but that good grade will help my transcript and further propel me later in my career. 

Face it, we all hate studying but we shouldn't give up. I wrote this blog so that a friend of mine can see that even though you're struggling it's okay because we all struggle and hate to study. But, at the end of the day everything is up to you. If you approach everything with an open mind and have confidence, then everything is going to be alright. Procrastination is bad and I myself need to fix this problem as well.

However, as long as you have the motivation to achieve your goals it doesn't matter how you get there, just get shit done. Remember, never say the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.

I'll end this blog entry with a quote from Muhammad Ali

“Champions aren’t made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them a desire, a dream, a vision. They have to have the skill and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill.”

Like Many Guys My Age, I'm 20.

Remember taking a shit in the bathroom when your penis was the size of a safety pin and screaming to your mom when you were done so that she could wipe that ass of yours?

Yeah, seems like yesterday I couldn't wipe my own ass. I'd just sit there swinging my legs until my mom came. She'd look at me and smile and then proceed to wipe my asscrack. After I was done, I'd run back to the living room and continue to watch Jersey Shore while my mom would continue cooking.

Oh yes, the good days ol' days where you didn't have to do much. You wake up, brush your teeth, get dressed, take your lunch and go off to your kindergarten class. You'd learn some ABC's, drink a juice box here and there, get some pussy, take a nap, learn some more letters, pledge for a fraternity and then head home to drink some more juice boxes and eventually get your ass wiped by your mom. Life seemed so easy. You didn't have to worry about what you wear, or what clique you hung out with. No, the biggest problems were the wedgies you had that went so far up your anus it felt like you were being lifted by a higher being.

I turned 20 two weeks ago. I turned 13 yesterday, at least that's what it felt like. In a blink of an eye I went from being a skinny, quirky kid excited to be a teenager to a skinny, goofy, hormone filled 20 year old. It's crazy how fast time flies. Take a look at your parents. And I mean really take a look. You can see the years catching up to them. It was like yesterday that I viewed my dad as Batman but since we're Indian, Bodega-man!! I look at him now, and I could see the bags under his eyes and the wrinkles in his skin and see that in 20 years he truly has aged. I'm thankful I still have both my parents and thankful for all that they've done. (Thanks for wiping my ass mom!!)

20. Thats a fifth of a century. That's how long I've been living. In America, I'm still young, innocent, not ready for the real world. In Sudan, I'm a soldier, mature, prepared to die, lucky to even be 20. In Sudan, many children as young as 8 become child soldiers and are sent off to fight "government forces." Life gets crazy when you compare everything to a third world perspective.

My point of this blog isn't to say I'm sad that I'm not a teenager or that I'm emo. But just that I feel like our generation isn't aware of how fortunate we are to be living in a country like the U.S. Believe me, I'd be the first to say there are so many flaws but just basic living conditions here are so superior to those of the rest of the world. We can complain all that we want, but when it comes down to it, I have several options on which toilet paper works best to wipe my ass whether it be Charmin, Scott or the good ol' Stony Brook brand.

I'll end this blog with pictures from the Ganges river in India. These pictures were eye opening to me. It's really sad to see people live there lives like this and think it's actually normal.
http://www.chinasmack.com/2010/pictures/filthy-india-photos-chinese-netizen-reactions.html

Be grateful for all the things you have. Live life to fullest and take full advantage of everything. I love you all. GO OUT, HAVE FUN, STOP STRESSIN BABY AND LIVE!!!!